July 1, 2003
by Melanie H. Alston-Akers
DC Bi Women Meetings
In the winter of 2001/2002, Stefani (who doesn't want her last name publicized)
was looking for a support group and social network for bisexual women. She "had
recently come to the difficult realization that my sexual preference had shifted
from men to women. However, my life, which had included loving men in the past,
meant that the integrated identity for me was that of 'bisexual.'" She
began looking for a woman-only support group, but found only a co-ed group focused
more on socializing than support.
Stefani decided to tackle the problem herself and began advertising for women interested in a support group for women who do not identify as entirely straight or gay, identify as bisexual, or have had the experience of loving both men and women. Stefani says, "I was overwhelmed with responses from women expressing relief to have 'finally' found what they were looking for." The group was officially born in March 2002 at their first meeting.
The DC Bi Women mailing list has nearly 300 members, and the online community has about 200 participants. Dinners, held every two weeks, are regularly attended by 20-30 women. "We have a core of about 40 very active members, the composition of which changes depending on what's up in people's lives. Our group is very diverse," Stefani explains, "with members ranging in age from 18 to their mid-50s, from many ethnic backgrounds, and with every story of personal sexual evolution imaginable."
When some of the participants were asked what keeps them together and meeting regularly, they responded with common themes around the need for community.
Shamaine, who has been active in DC Bi Women for a year, says, "The general lack of visibility, community and support for Bi folks leaves us all stranded in the same spot: the beginning with no markers and no leaders. We really, really need this group because unlike the easily defined gay boys and lesbians, we do not have an already built system."
Stefani adds, "Women who are not monosexual - whether or not they choose the label 'bisexual' - yearn for a community where they don't have to edit their conversation or tell half-truths. They yearn for friends who will not judge, reject, or feel differently about them because of the gender of their partner/date/love interest - be it a man or a woman."
When asked about the importance of support groups, DC Bi Women members are unanimous about the positive feelings these groups give for their members. Stefani comments that "by supporting and encouraging our women, we help them accept and love themselves in a world where affirmation of their reality as bisexuals is hard to come by. We're 'normal' here. The affirmation we get from each other helps us accept ourselves, however much of a minority we may be. It gives us the strength to live our lives more bravely and authentically."
Along with the camaraderie, DC Bi Women meetings also include dinner - and not just as an excuse to get together, but, says member Michelle, "Dinner meetings promote an informal, relaxed, familial atmosphere in which members can converse with each other like sisters, without pretense."
Find more information about DC Bi Women meetings at www.dcbiwomen.org.
To learn more about WOMO, visit their website at http://www.womo.com